Monthly Archives: September 2014

Residual Guilt

A few weeks ago, my foot was hurting so badly that I was to the point of tears. I was at church with our team setting up for the service. My pastor noticed, and asked if he could pray for me. I was grateful.

But at the same time, I felt a twinge of guilt… because I wasn’t healed.

Bad theology leaves scars. Even bad theology taught with sincerity and good intentions.

When you’re taught that doctor-and-medicine-free healing is pretty much guaranteed — as long as you’re living, speaking, and believing correctly — it’s hard to NOT feel guilty when life throws you a curve ball. I was taught that if my faith wasn’t strong enough to “get my healing,” there was probably something wrong with me spiritually: I was living in sin or not spending enough time in the Word or not mature enough or not giving enough financially to the church.

I don’t actually believe that stuff anymore. It’s been years since I’ve been anywhere that taught anything even remotely like that. But even after all that time, that little bit of residual guilt is still there. Not a crippling fear anymore, but just that momentary twinge of feeling like I’m not good enough.

Thank God I don’t have to be good enough. It was never about me in the first place. God’s not dishing out punishments for minor infractions like some petty spoiled child. Life happens. Sometimes it’s not what we wanted or expected. But God is more interested in us fixing our eyes on Him than He is in fixing our circumstances down here.

Walking through pain

A little over five weeks ago, I hurt my heel. The pain seemed much worse first thing in the morning and after sitting down for long periods of time. I was afraid I might have broken something, but it’s actually a common condition called Plantar Fasciitis (PF). It’s not serious, but it is seriously annoying… and it will take months to fully heal (or longer, if I ignore the pain and don’t take care of it).

Actuallyheelwrap, it’s kinda hard to ignore the pain. I never really spent any time thinking about my left heel before PF. Now, it’s difficult to NOT think about it. Finding appropriate shoes has become an issue. Sandals (the mainstay of my existence before) are out for now. Sneakers are in. Stairs and steep inclines make me cringe. Most of the time, the pain in my heel is bearable and intermittent, but there have been at least two or three occasions so far where it’s been bad enough to bring me to tears.

It’s been five weeks now. But if the anecdotal stories of other sufferers are any indication, I’m not even close to halfway through this yet. And it’s getting old… fast. Sometimes when I’m sitting down working at my computer, I can almost forget that there’s a problem. Then I stand up again.

It’s just my heel. But as 1 Cor 12:26 says, “If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.” I definitely have a new appreciation for that verse. It’s only my foot that hurts, but all of me is miserable. And at the end of the day when I get to put on these socks with the frozen gel packs in them… all of me is relieved!