It’s been a while again since I’ve shared a blog here! It’s certainly not because nothing has been happening. A LOT has been happening! And it’s not that I haven’t written anything… it’s just been hard to finish any of it 🙂
So here’s a quick update!
I was a bit vague in my last post here about the “difficult conversation” I had back in November, but in January I had the opportunity to share it in a lot more detail on Bro. Nathan’s blog.
Ever since I had the “painful conversation” in November, I’ve enjoyed healing in relationships that I had given up on. I’ve also been given opportunities to build new relationships without the complications of the panic attacks and social anxiety… because they’re just gone! And it’s not that I’ve been shielded from the things that used to trigger the attacks. I’ve been in plenty of places since then that would have been too much for me to handle before. Some situations are still uncomfortable, but they don’t cripple me anymore. Only God could have done that!
The freedom I’ve enjoyed has been amazing. But this journey wasn’t just God “fixing” that broken part of my life. My relationship with God was also changing. I had been in such a dry, dead place before November. By January, I felt thoroughly alive again. My relationship with God was in a better place than it had been in a very long time. Such a good place, in fact, that I would have been content to stay there.
But I kept feeling drawn to things that I had previously rejected. Styles of worship that I had dismissed as too shallow / repetitive / emotional. Prayer was becoming more important to me. Reading the Bible every day wasn’t just something I did to satisfy some sense obligation. Part of me wanted to pursue some of those questions I was afraid to ask. And part of me didn’t want to go anywhere near it.
And I lived in that tension for several months.
(To be continued…)